[Sylvain's expression goes melancholy, just a little. Given up on the idea of domesticity, for the sake of all the work that needs doing, feeling pre-emptive guilt about bringing another life into this broken world... Sylvain understands all of that deeply. He finds himself zoning out thinking about it, as he stares at Nadine, holding her tiny hand, squishing it gently with his thumb.]
I don't think I'd ever feel ready.
[He chuckles, eyes looking back up to Khalid's face,] I know I don't need to tell you all of my fears, or how much your confidence in me means.
[The idea of Khalid taking another partner, one that Sylvain approves of, and through her having natural heirs... it isn't unappealing. Khalid generally has good taste, Sylvain likes to think, and he has never liked jealousy in relationships in any capacity.]
What do you think, Nadi? Could I be a better father than mine was?
[He addresses the baby, and she burbles, drooling all down her front. Sylvain clucks like a mother hen, grabbing her little bib and wiping her face.]
[Khalid smiles encouragingly, knowing all too well Sylvain's struggle with this. He's beyond happy that they've gotten to a point where the very idea of being a father isn't immediately repulsive to him.]
You've earned my confidence.
[He snorts a laugh at Sylvain's question and Nadi's "response", thinking the way Sylvain immediately fusses over her and wipes her face kind of proves how ridiculous of a question that was.]
[It was a big turning point in Sylvain's life, actually, the moment he realized that he could hate the idea of passing on his crest and the burden of crest-based society without hating the idea of having children at all. It seems obvious, now, but it was a revelation at the time.]
That was half the battle.
[The other half, of course, being earning his own confidence, and that of any other parents that may be involved.]
And yet it's still the bar I feel obligated to aim above. [Wry smile.] Men of Faerghus are all of a certain stock I'm sure you've noticed. It seems to affect our parenting as well as everything else.
[He doesn't roll his eyes, but you can hear the eyerolling tone in his voice.]
[Khalid returns that wry smile-- Almyra isn't so different from Faerghus in that aspect.]
Well, I have no doubts you'll manage far above that. Just look at how you've been with Nadi. Would your father have wiped drool off the face of a child that wasn't even his?
[Khalid doesn't know for certain the answer is a resounding no but he has a pretty good feeling that it is. From what he's heard about the old Margrave, he doesn't really seem the nurturing type.]
No, [Sylvain laughs] I don't think he even touched me at all until I was old enough to hold a spear and ride a horse. And then it was only to correct me.
[Or to give him the belt on the occasions Sylvain would misbehave badly enough. Sylvain's face darkens for a moment at remembering it.]
[Khalid makes a sound of disapproval; his parents weren't exactly the most touchy-feely either but that wasn't to say they didn't ever show their affection-- it was just more of the pats-on-the-back slightly aggressive sort.
His expression softens at the dark look on Sylvain's face, as though to counteract it.]
You can ask me anything, you know that. [Doesn't mean he'll agree but Sylvain is always free to ask.]
[Sylvain's mother at least probably loved him at one point. When he was small and soft and needy, and she could tuck her resentment toward the Margrave away in favor of the charm of an infant. It didn't last forever, though, and as soon as Sylvain showed any interest in being his own person the magic was over. That isn't to say she never showed him affection after that, but it was a downhill progression from "out of love" to "out of duty".
Khalid's soft look is encouraging, and Sylvain relaxes enough to say what's on his mind.]
I don't want to ever punish a child out of anger. It's... normal, in Faerghus, to correct with a belt or a switch. It isn't the thing I resent the most, but it isn't something I want to carry on either. I don't think it's as effective as people think it is, and is more likely to create resentment than obedience.
[And he isn't even sure 'obedience' is a virtue he wants his kids to have anyway.]
[Khalid falls quiet for a moment, lost in his own memories of getting the switch-- usually for mouthing off, predictably enough. And of the horror on Hilda's face, many years ago, when he'd told what he thought was a funny anecdote of one of the punishments he often received as a child, dragged behind his father's horse.]
I don't want that either. [He says lowly, staring down at Nadi. She's so soft and small... of course you can't protect children from all the pain and suffering in the world, but is it really right to cause that pain yourself just to teach a lesson?]
Children are smarter than they're given credit for being. There must be other ways.
[Sylvain feels his chest tighten, worried and wondering for a long moment what thoughts he's stirred up in Khalid's mind. When he finally speaks, Sylvain feels another harsh tightening around his lungs. He pulls his hand free of Nadine's grip so he can cradle Khalid's face in both of his hands, kissing his forehead.]
Thank you.
[His serious expression gives way slowly to something more comfortable and normal.]
There are better reasons for being a good person than fear of punishment, stands to reason there are better ways to teach kids to be good people than to make them fear the consequences.
And if they have to fear the consequences, maybe I can be foolish enough to hope my disappointment is painful enough by itself.
[If he loves them enough and makes them know how much he loves them... maybe. Fear of disappointing Byleth was a huge motivator for Sylvain, at the least. It brought more of his talents to the forefront in a few months than years of training with his father ever did.]
[Khalid sighs, leaning into Sylvain's hands and closing his eyes for a moment.] I love you. [He murmurs softly before Sylvain draws back again, smiling softly.]
We'll have plenty of time to figure it out. Maybe we could ask Teach for some pointers, I know I would've done just about anything to make it right if I thought they were disappointed in me back at the Academy.
[Who is he kidding he'd do the same thing now.]
Not that they're like my parent or anything, just-- someone I don't want to disappoint.
[Sylvain doesn't say it back out loud, but his eyes shine with it.
His little smile spreads into a full grin, and he shakes his head.] You don't need to explain it. I know exactly what you mean- I was thinking the same thing. Being a parent is also being a teacher, it's just also a lot more than that.
[He wonders what Jeralt was like as a father. Clearly he did something right, even as a single father with the strange enigma child that is Byleth.]
Hey, it's my turn.
[He decides to declare, reaching out his open hands for Nadine.]
Heh, Teach really had quite the impact on all of us. [Khalid can't keep the fond smile from his lips-- he's still utterly smitten with them.
He gasps in mock offense as Sylvain demands a turn with Nadine, pouting exaggeratedly but shifting to pass her over to him. She fusses a little at being moved, but quickly settles again.] Alright, but only because you look so good holding her.
Even now I sometimes wonder if they're actually real.
[Sometimes there is the faintest glimmer of jealousy, when Khalid talks about Byleth and gets that look on his face, but it's ultimately just a wish that Sylvain had more time to spend with their professor.
Warm memories from the calm days at the Academy float around in his head, and he smiles down at Nadine as he remembers what Lysithea used to be like. He leans down to kiss the top of her soft head, feeling the strange and powerful urge to squeeze. She's just so chubby and perfect!!!]
Look all you like, my love.
[He turns his head up to grin back at Khalid.]
You know, kids with your genes would look an awful lot like Nadi.
[Now his utterly smitten look is directed at his husband, watching him smiling down at a baby that really does look an awful lot like Khalid's own children likely would. He's filled to the brim with love for the man, imagining a chubby baby with green eyes and red hair in his lap instead.]
What can I say, people like Nadi and I get the best of both worlds. [He winks playfully.]
[When Sylvain looks up and sees the way Khalid is looking at him, it makes his heart leap into his throat and get stuck there. He feels a blush cross his face.
He holds his fingers out for Nadine, letting her grip one on each hand in her strong little baby grip, and he holds her upright like that, waving her little arms up and down. She burbles happily, yelling in her happy baby way when he swoops down to kiss the top of her head.]
You most certainly do.
[He grins back.]
What are the expectations on you, regarding heirs? And what can we get away with fudging?
The main expectation is that I have several. [Khalid chuckles, watching Sylvain make Nadine do a ridiculous little dance with her arms and reaching out to tickle her tummy in between bites of food.]
All the better to make them compete with each other for the throne, right? [He rolls his eyes-- clearly that's not a concern for him. He has been subtly pushing Almyra down a different path, after all.]
[Sylvain sighs and rolls his eyes. Yeah, he could have predicted that. His frustration at that expectation melts away when Khalid reaches in to tickle Nadine's tummy and she laughs. Her strong little fat legs bounce her up and down on Sylvain's thigh, and she squeezes his fingers even tighter.]
Right, that's exactly what we want, to pit our children against each other.
[There's more bitterness to his tone than he intends, thinking of Miklan, thinking of Claude's own elder half-brothers. He's quite confident that is absolutely not what either of them want.]
Would you want to take your time and find another consort, or just... ask someone we trust?
[He is supportive either way, though the former would certainly take more time, and as far as he knows, Claude doesn't have anyone in mind.]
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I don't think I'd ever feel ready.
[He chuckles, eyes looking back up to Khalid's face,] I know I don't need to tell you all of my fears, or how much your confidence in me means.
[The idea of Khalid taking another partner, one that Sylvain approves of, and through her having natural heirs... it isn't unappealing. Khalid generally has good taste, Sylvain likes to think, and he has never liked jealousy in relationships in any capacity.]
What do you think, Nadi? Could I be a better father than mine was?
[He addresses the baby, and she burbles, drooling all down her front. Sylvain clucks like a mother hen, grabbing her little bib and wiping her face.]
I don't know if I like that omen, little lady!
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You've earned my confidence.
[He snorts a laugh at Sylvain's question and Nadi's "response", thinking the way Sylvain immediately fusses over her and wipes her face kind of proves how ridiculous of a question that was.]
That's a low bar to set for yourself, my love.
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That was half the battle.
[The other half, of course, being earning his own confidence, and that of any other parents that may be involved.]
And yet it's still the bar I feel obligated to aim above. [Wry smile.] Men of Faerghus are all of a certain stock I'm sure you've noticed. It seems to affect our parenting as well as everything else.
[He doesn't roll his eyes, but you can hear the eyerolling tone in his voice.]
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Well, I have no doubts you'll manage far above that. Just look at how you've been with Nadi. Would your father have wiped drool off the face of a child that wasn't even his?
[Khalid doesn't know for certain the answer is a resounding no but he has a pretty good feeling that it is. From what he's heard about the old Margrave, he doesn't really seem the nurturing type.]
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No, [Sylvain laughs] I don't think he even touched me at all until I was old enough to hold a spear and ride a horse. And then it was only to correct me.
[Or to give him the belt on the occasions Sylvain would misbehave badly enough. Sylvain's face darkens for a moment at remembering it.]
Khalid? I have a request to make.
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His expression softens at the dark look on Sylvain's face, as though to counteract it.]
You can ask me anything, you know that. [Doesn't mean he'll agree but Sylvain is always free to ask.]
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Khalid's soft look is encouraging, and Sylvain relaxes enough to say what's on his mind.]
I don't want to ever punish a child out of anger. It's... normal, in Faerghus, to correct with a belt or a switch. It isn't the thing I resent the most, but it isn't something I want to carry on either. I don't think it's as effective as people think it is, and is more likely to create resentment than obedience.
[And he isn't even sure 'obedience' is a virtue he wants his kids to have anyway.]
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I don't want that either. [He says lowly, staring down at Nadi. She's so soft and small... of course you can't protect children from all the pain and suffering in the world, but is it really right to cause that pain yourself just to teach a lesson?]
Children are smarter than they're given credit for being. There must be other ways.
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Thank you.
[His serious expression gives way slowly to something more comfortable and normal.]
There are better reasons for being a good person than fear of punishment, stands to reason there are better ways to teach kids to be good people than to make them fear the consequences.
And if they have to fear the consequences, maybe I can be foolish enough to hope my disappointment is painful enough by itself.
[If he loves them enough and makes them know how much he loves them... maybe. Fear of disappointing Byleth was a huge motivator for Sylvain, at the least. It brought more of his talents to the forefront in a few months than years of training with his father ever did.]
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We'll have plenty of time to figure it out. Maybe we could ask Teach for some pointers, I know I would've done just about anything to make it right if I thought they were disappointed in me back at the Academy.
[Who is he kidding he'd do the same thing now.]
Not that they're like my parent or anything, just-- someone I don't want to disappoint.
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His little smile spreads into a full grin, and he shakes his head.] You don't need to explain it. I know exactly what you mean- I was thinking the same thing. Being a parent is also being a teacher, it's just also a lot more than that.
[He wonders what Jeralt was like as a father. Clearly he did something right, even as a single father with the strange enigma child that is Byleth.]
Hey, it's my turn.
[He decides to declare, reaching out his open hands for Nadine.]
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He gasps in mock offense as Sylvain demands a turn with Nadine, pouting exaggeratedly but shifting to pass her over to him. She fusses a little at being moved, but quickly settles again.] Alright, but only because you look so good holding her.
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[Sometimes there is the faintest glimmer of jealousy, when Khalid talks about Byleth and gets that look on his face, but it's ultimately just a wish that Sylvain had more time to spend with their professor.
Warm memories from the calm days at the Academy float around in his head, and he smiles down at Nadine as he remembers what Lysithea used to be like. He leans down to kiss the top of her soft head, feeling the strange and powerful urge to squeeze. She's just so chubby and perfect!!!]
Look all you like, my love.
[He turns his head up to grin back at Khalid.]
You know, kids with your genes would look an awful lot like Nadi.
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What can I say, people like Nadi and I get the best of both worlds. [He winks playfully.]
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He holds his fingers out for Nadine, letting her grip one on each hand in her strong little baby grip, and he holds her upright like that, waving her little arms up and down. She burbles happily, yelling in her happy baby way when he swoops down to kiss the top of her head.]
You most certainly do.
[He grins back.]
What are the expectations on you, regarding heirs? And what can we get away with fudging?
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All the better to make them compete with each other for the throne, right? [He rolls his eyes-- clearly that's not a concern for him. He has been subtly pushing Almyra down a different path, after all.]
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[Sylvain sighs and rolls his eyes. Yeah, he could have predicted that. His frustration at that expectation melts away when Khalid reaches in to tickle Nadine's tummy and she laughs. Her strong little fat legs bounce her up and down on Sylvain's thigh, and she squeezes his fingers even tighter.]
Right, that's exactly what we want, to pit our children against each other.
[There's more bitterness to his tone than he intends, thinking of Miklan, thinking of Claude's own elder half-brothers. He's quite confident that is absolutely not what either of them want.]
Would you want to take your time and find another consort, or just... ask someone we trust?
[He is supportive either way, though the former would certainly take more time, and as far as he knows, Claude doesn't have anyone in mind.]